I want to sleep but cannot sleep. I want my dreams to be pleasant but they are not. I want to plan a lot of things but unable to do. I want to write but my words are curling up. I am confused but do not know the exact reason(s). I want to order stuff online but do not get any delivery window open.
As I write these lines I am simultaneously surfing through the websites as to who can deliver my groceries. I do not want to go shopping but don't know how long can I manage without stepping out. I am not sure what these feelings mean but it always feels good to toss the words and dish out to complete strangers.
The weather has been deceitful too. It looks sunny outside but out there its windy and cold. The sunny day still stops me from stepping outside even I though all I want is to take a simple stroll.
It's so easy to complain as I did now but the frontline workers at this moment do not even have time to sit think and complain perhaps. They are working and perhaps overworking and do not get adequate time with their families either. How selfish of me to think of my problems when they are thinking about the masses!
I try to keep my mind at peace by constantly thinking that its's also a phase and we have to sail through. We have to engage our minds which gets challenging at times. So many thoughts keep creeping up time and again and keeping them at bay is a protest in itself.
This morning I tried to meditate. Please trust me when I say it really helps. The thoughts of the welfare of my loved ones who are so far from me disturbs a lot. Meditation didn't answer my fears but calmed my senses to an extent. The day seemed a bit productive too. I chatted with some old friends, cleaned some of the mess which the kids make and I was ignoring from the last few days.
So I am hoping that going forward I will try to meditate everyday for sometime. It will be 'me' time which will lull my thoughts to an extent and answer the unanswered. Try it if you haven't so far. They will be the best moments when you are home and can dedicate time guilt free.
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